VEDATROYEE DE GHOSH

LETTERS TO MY YOUNGER SELF

TO MY BARELY BEGUN SELF

VEDATROYEE DE GHOSH

You are so small and innocent, so full of life, so beautiful, I wish it could just stay the same way forever. Wish I could wrap a few hugs, kisses and a puppy with this letter. You are too fragile, yet fierce. Full of ambitions, a doctor, a scientist, a teacher, you want to become all when you grow up. But you are bound by those alphabets which have shaken your identity, you feel devastated when you are the only one clueless in class, sitting alone on the first bench, your teacher holding your hand, making you try your luck at cursive writing but no, it’s hard and no one gets you. No one wants to get you. You feel tormented, only that you get to know the meaning of the word later. You, at the age of 5, are made to believe you are wrong in your every endeavor, and you’re special and powerless.

Now you learn the first lesson of your life. Nothing is impossible, nothing at all. You have the power to define the magnitude of galaxies, you have the power to rule the world, you can become whatever you want to become. All you need is 2 cups of zeal, 3 ounces ambition, a quarter of enthusiasm, belief to taste and surplus amount of hard work. You will cross this bridge too, what people thought was impossible, you will shove it on their face and show what you are.

The next lesson you learn is whatever happens, any wrong, any right being done by you or to you in your life, your parents are always there for you. Talk to them through everything and you will be surprised looking at the magicians you have been blessed with.

Play hard, real hard, and get bruised. Learn how to get up by yourself after a fall. Learn how to heal your wounds when no one is around to help. Keep smiling no matter what problem you face because every night gives way to sunrays.

With love

Vedatroyee.

To my early teen self

Yes, you are a rebel and it’s good to be one for rebels are the only ones who know what to fight for and when. Only don’t get involved in unnecessary matters. And a tip, always keep a way out of every problem you apprehend. Backups never hurt either.

Remember when I told you, your parents are the only ones for you always, highlight the words only and always. Trust them and entrust them with whatever situation you find yourself in. Make some friends, make plans, execute them, learn a few things here and there, be jack of all trades but remember to be master of a few too. Try your hand at everything because after this you have to take control of the ship you’re sailing on.

Focus is the key word now. Don’t lose focus. It’s very easy to get derailed anytime from now but you have to get your equations straight. Make mistakes but make it a habit to learn from them, improvise and make it an asset. The faster you learn this, the better for you. The world is tough but it will only to make you tougher. And you will have to be ready for the world soon, but don’t worry my dear. Someone will have back you all the time. And by the time you grow up, you either keep finding who that someone is or you learn it to be yourself. The choice is yours.

You might be doing well or even be amazing in a thing or a few, but never ever let that limit your horizons. If you are good at something, your work doesn’t stop there, it actually doubles. You gotta work hard on that and work harder on those you lack perfection in. Don’t be proud. Ever. There’s nothing to be proud or arrogant about. Always believe and know that there are people who are always better than you, this makes big enough room for improvement and gives you the required time to assess yourself. You don’t have to be the best, and that doesn’t grant you the permission to be the worst either. Be in between; be constant, so that you have enough time to learn more.

Never see anyone as inferior. You have no idea when the caterpillar breaks open its cocoon to become a beautiful butterfly. Don’t be rude when not necessary considering you won’t be in your best temper all the time either. Be bold yet kind. Be truthful yet shrewd when required. Forgive but never forget, remember what wrong people did to you so that you don’t give them a chance again but never seek revenge unless necessary. The world is a funny place, each thing I’m asking you to not do has an unless or until tagged along. That’s because it’s all a matter of experience and you can never know the true intentions of people unless you are in their position. Well I hope you will understand what is the right thing to do, maybe when you are 60 or maybe not even then. Till then learn to trust people. Or maybe not. It’s confusing. It still is and will always be but you will figure a way out of everything.

With love

Vedatroyee.

To my 17 year old self

It's amazing how you have dealt with all your random hormonal imbalances till now owing to certain, let's just call it reasons. But now it's time you learnt another lesson. So you have been in this pool with you winning every chance at the game you master, but now you end up in this river with masters of all trades and you face the wide ocean in front of you. You make your choices : how you combat high school, how you prepare yourself hard for the tough competition people offer; you lose, you win sometimes maybe, you lose again and you keep on losing at times but you have to be your own anchor providing the support you need. Be your own mental support that you want. You are lovely and let no one and no result define your worth. You are much more than any number you face - age, weight, marks.

Learn to love each inch of you from now itself, because after this the road only gets lonelier and intense but worry not, everyone is on the same boat, everyone is dealing with insecurities of their own. Talk. To anyone. About your problems, about your anxieties, about anything at all. We tend to make things more complicated in our head than it is in real.

Breathe. No problem is bigger than your life, ever. No problem is worth the attention, the focus given to it, no problem should be, at this point in your life or ever, more important than the smile on your parent’s face, or even their scolding as a matter of fact.

No effort is ever enough. Stop complaining and start doing. You might think life is unfair and you don’t ever get what you deserve, and that success is inversely proportional to the amount of hard work you put in, but my dear it’s not all that true. It’s all a game of luck. Just pick yourself up when you lose, don’t lose hope when everything seems bizarre, keep on moving, that’s the least and strangely, the most you can do.

You have lots in front of you, keep your head high, learn to prepare for the best yet expect the worst because life ain’t fair, neither are the people around you. Learn to be smart enough to get your things straight up, not only smart enough to get a few good grades.

Learn to grab opportunities as they come. No one’s gonna tell you that this is it, you got to discover it yourself. Never be too harsh on yourself. Believe that everything happens for a reason and that life has wonders still waiting to be unlocked. Do not conform to your peers’ standards of acceptable and cool.  Find your own cool, be messy. You are allowed to make as many mistakes as you want. Perfection and flawlessness are overrated. There are plenty of failures and heartbreaks on the way, but all of them will make you a little more of you.

With love

Vedatroyee.

To my present self

These 20 years have turned you into a beautiful young lady. You have seen a lot, maybe not all but a lot of it. And I’m proud of the choices you have made. Never regret any decision of yours because that is what you thought was the best thing to do at that moment. Life throws options at you all the time, at each crossing you find yourself engulfed in a brand new state of confusion. Trust your gut, trust your intuitions when your brain stops answering your queries. Be so full of yourself that you don’t need someone else to fill the void you feel.

Stop giving parts of yourself to people who have no intention of keeping them. You were born with stars in your eyes and galaxies in your heart. Respect that. Respect the amount of love your parents have bonded and imbibed in you. Respect the pains they have incurred to nurture a miracle like you. You are nothing less than a work of art, a masterpiece evolving with time, and it’s only for the better. You are pure, you are divine, you are everything any true artist will seek for. You have bits and pieces of stars in you which aspire to take you beyond your hail of ambitions. Hold on to that crazy wild streak of yours. It may feel a little out of place at the moment, but it’s your most endearing quality.

Never try to masquerade your inner fears and weaknesses under the veil of addiction. You are no less than anyone you admire, you are no less than anyone you fear. Stop giving others everything when they don’t even deserve an inch of your existence. Know that somewhere, someone does exist, who would love you for what you are and for all that you stand for, your insecurities, your scars, your stretch marks, your breakdowns, but would still show off to the world that you are his. Learn to stop caring for those who only emotionally drain you and make you question your truths and vices.

You come alone, you leave alone; find someone who makes the journey in between worth the struggle and the moments trailing out of our hands. You are a diamond, stop coating yourself with dust, darkness and sorrow. You have a flame inside which can light oceans, who is anyone to make you surrender to mere moonshine.

There will be thunders and lightning along your way to success, but stop not. Roaring clouds may frighten us, but peacocks dance. Be the peacock when you are frightened or scared. Take responsibility of what you do, be your own architect, carve milestones in your path. Go on, live your dreams, achieve your goals, make yourself and your parents proud, make a few millions maybe as a bonus, but most importantly, love yourself. Respect yourself and be kind, be patient. When things are supposed to happen, you will be astonished to see how magically all the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle come together and have the final picture in your hand.

Give time some time to fix everything. Every broken piece is an asset too only if you have the correct intention and motivation. You are not alone. Help will eventually come, sooner or later, when you need it. Be satisfied with what you have but never with what you put in. Be brave, take chances. Breathe. Let the feelings sink in. Breathe again. Repeat.

With love

Vedatroyee.

To my future self

Honestly, I’m scared. I’m scared to face you. I’m so full of apprehensions, I have my doubts and questions but I think I’m ready. I mean, why not, life has never been a bed of roses neither do I expect it to be one. I’ve come this far and intend to go farther than the fathomless I intend to achieve. I have a few ideas, I have my goals, I have plans. Maybe it’ll all fit together well, maybe it won’t but I’ll take my chance at you. After all, these maybes and maybe nots are all in the head, right? And all I can do is work towards making you worthwhile and I am all set. Even if time takes its most unpredictable turns and I don’t become who I ought to be, forgive me for I’m not a sinner, I’m just a mistake of my own, just a caricature of time. But whatever it is, I’ll give my best shot.

With love

Vedatroyee